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Song of the Magpies

It’s only when the gunfire and shouting has become distant, with the battle’s dead left to the quiet and the crows, that we make our move. Soap is first, dropping straight from his perch in the tree’s tallest branches and rolling when he lands. After a few glances around he looks back up at us.

“Let’s get moving.”

Easier said. Felix struggles with the branches on account of his arm, and neither of us can take a fall like Soap can. It takes me a few minutes to help him shift step by step until we’re low enough to tumble free without twisting an ankle. Once we’re down I lead the way clear of the trees, staying low. The first body isn’t far after that.

He’s on his back with his legs almost straight, like a statue that’s toppled over. His hat has fallen off though, crushing the red plumage on its side, and his boyish curls are loose in the muddy grass. His musket is still on him, clutched to his chest in one hand. I pull it free, letting his arm slip off the grip, and start checking for damage. It’s difficult to snag a working one. Usually someone will grab the weapons as the fight moves so they won’t need replaced after, and even when they’re left, they often end up ruined by rain or so old you wonder why the man carrying it even bothered to bring it. This one looks mostly intact though, so I sling it over my shoulder as I check his coat. The red fabric is dark and sticky with his blood. Men’s coats rarely fit me anyway, so I leave it be and skip to the pockets. Coppers, spare rounds, some biscuits, a watch. I click it open and find a picture of a young woman pressed into the cover. I toss it to Soap.

“Pretty.”

“The watch, idiot. Worth anything?”

“Steel rather than silver. But I could use a watch.” He pauses a second, seeing me looking at him as he pockets it in his own stolen coat.

“You’re pretty too, Kez.”

“Go check another, shithead.”

He heads over to help Felix, who’s trying to pry a bottle open with his teeth. I mull over whether it’s still worth having Soap around. We picked him up months ago, and he’s kept hush about where he came from. You can tell he’s from money by the way he talks, but it’s hard to know why he’d leave that behind. He’s handsome, and not bad on a cold night as it turns out, but he can be an arrogant prick when he wants. Regardless, its better having someone to talk to. Felix hasn’t spoken since he lost his arm.

The next body is slumped up against a dead horse. He looks to have been the rider, as he’s dressed differently than the others. Cavalry are usually better off than the footsloggers. I toss my bag and the gun aside as I set to work cutting away the buttons on his fancy coat. He stinks of sweat, long blond hair plastered to his face by it, so I try to get things done quick. I find the wound when I pull it open, a bloody hole at his hip staining his white shirt. Probably shattered the bone but wouldn’t have hit anything important. By the time I realise I’ve fucked up his hand is on my throat.

I start screaming as best I can, but his grip is too tight. His eyes are open now, half lidded as he strains to keep his hold on me. His other hand is fumbling at the ground. I swing my fist into his gut, only to realise I’ve dropped the knife, so I bring my other around into his wound. He lets out an agonised curse, but his hand doesn’t loosen. Suddenly he pulls me forward, bringing his forehead into my nose, and my vision goes black. When it returns, I see my blood smeared on his brow and taste more in my mouth. There’s a shout behind us and Soap is standing with the gun I found. He hesitates, looking down the barrel from me to the soldier.

“Get your hands off her.”

The soldier pulls me in, and my face is pushed into the dead horse’s flank. When I’ve kicked around enough to see again the soldier’s other hand has stopped fumbling, and now holds the long pistol he was searching for, levelled at Soap.

“Give it up, lad. That rifle isn’t loaded. If it was then at that angle the shot would roll out the barrel.”

“Yeah right.” Soap shifts his feet awkwardly. Felix appears at his side, staring at me like a worried child. I try to look as if I’m in control, so he doesn’t panic. The blood pouring from my nose makes it difficult. A moment passes, the four of us locked there, before Soap speaks again.

“You’ve only got one shot. You can’t shoot all three of us.” The soldier lets out a laugh that turns into a choking cough. My face is close enough that I see the spittle fall down his scruffy chin.

“Suppose I just shoot you and throttle this little bitch? Will cripple boy save you?” Felix is shaking horribly, pawing at the tied cloth that hides his stump. Soap nudges him with his shoulder, but it only makes it worse.

“Where’d you lot come from? You’re not Spaniards or French.” I try to reply, but he’s still choking off my words. After a second, he loosens his grip just enough to let me speak.

“Army. Our mother followed the 23rd.” Only true for Felix and me, but Soap doesn’t correct it. For a second, I think he’ll take the shot while I’ve got the fucker distracted, but he doesn’t. Scared he’ll hit me, maybe, or he really thinks the rifle isn’t loaded. Useless. The soldier shakes his head.

“Some camp whore’s brats. She the one that taught you to steal from your own?”

“They aren’t using it anymore.” He slams the butt of the pistol into my temple. Soap and Felix begin to move, but he quickly has the gun raised again. His arm is shaky now though. He’s lost a lot of blood.

“Don’t you have any fucking pride? Want Napoleon to waltz across the sea and take over?” Soap has noticed the shaking too, and it’s made him more confident. He’s back to aiming down the sight.

“An emperor instead of a king? Not much different to us.”

“See how different you feel when some Frenchman shoves a bayonet up your-” The soldier trails off into more coughing, and his aim veers wildly to the side toward Felix. Soap grins, lowering the gun.

“You can’t walk, can you? That’s why you won’t shoot. You need us.” The soldier is still wheezing for a moment before he can reply.

“Like fuck I do. I could crawl out of here if I needed to.” Soap shakes his head, swinging the musket behind him toward the field scattered with bodies in red coats.

“These are all yours. That says to me you’re losing this one. The next people to come this way will be wearing the wrong colours, so if we don’t help you, you’ll die here.” The soldier’s face twists. He doesn’t lower the gun, but it’s clear Soap is correct. His jaw moves like he’s chewing for a second, before he takes in a deep breath.

“Look,” he says, straightening up in an attempt to gather more presence around himself, “I can help you too. You like living out here? Picking at bodies for scraps? You help me and you can be done with this.”

Soap gives him a curious look.

“And go home? To England?” The soldier pauses, before nodding slowly.

“Got folk there? Imagine how glad they’d be to see you.” Soap is listening closely now, the gun low in his grip. I start kicking around, but he’s intent on this soldier now. The hand tightens again, but I manage to shout past it.

“He can’t even walk, how’s he going to take us to England?” They’re still focused on one another. The only one paying me any mind is Felix, who keeps looking between me and Soap.

“Get me out of here, help me heal up, and I’ll get you back, lad. I swear.” Soap holds his gaze for a second longer, before looking to me. I can see the desperation in his eyes. Clearly, he still has a few relatives he thinks will take him in. The only family Felix and I had died here in Spain. I watch him, and I don’t give any clues. Finally, he looks at the soldier.

“You’ve got a deal.”

His hand finally releases me, and I take a second to rub at my neck as Soap moves over to help him up. The soldier gets his arm over his shoulder and starts pushing at the ground clumsily with his feet. He can move them a little, but they won’t take his weight. Soap angles under his arm to support him more, and slowly they rise from alongside the dead horse. The soldier still has his long pistol in his hand, and he holds it toward Soap as he’s helped up.

“Nothing funny, boy, nothing funny. You behave and we’ll be back in England by year’s end.”

Once I think he’s turned away from me, I look around where he was sat. There’s a smear of blood from his wounded side, and some of the buttons I cut away, as well as my knife. Suddenly the gun is on me again.

“You can leave that, girl. C’mon, get in front where I can keep my eye on you.” I gesture to Felix, who’s staring at the spot I’m looking over.

“He’ll want your buttons. He collects them.” The soldier looks Felix in the eye, who shies away. When he looks back to me his face is full of contempt.

“Then he can get them himself. He’s got one good arm.”

Reluctantly I stand and walk forward, the pistol aimed at me the whole way. Once the soldier has it pressed into my back, he gives me a shove and I begin leading us back toward the trees. The bodies make it impossible to walk straight, so we make a slow, winding path through the outstretch limbs of the dead. There’s a smattering of birds picking away at them now, and they hop lazily away as I pass.

“Are we winning the war?” Soap’s question breaks the quiet of our strange march, and the soldier’s reply takes a moment as he grunts through another painful step.

“How the fuck should I know? Ask Wellington.” I feel a nudge from the gun. “Where are you lot set up?”

“Just outside Camarena. There’s a man in town named Mateo who buys what we find. He’s good with English, if you need someone to-“

“I don’t need anything from Mateo.” He says the name like it doesn’t fit his mouth right. After he finishes speaking, I realize there’s a sound in the distance. Men marching. The soldier curses, shoving the gun at me and urging me to pick up the pace.

“Just my luck getting stuck with the slowest shits in Spain. Where’s the cripple? If that little fucker is still thieving, I’ll cut his other arm off.”

He tries to turn in Soap’s arm to look for Felix, and the pressure on my back disappears. The moment it does I spin round and wrestle the gun into the air. It goes off just to the side of my head, the crack ringing in my ear. Soap starts shouting, asking me what I’m doing, while the soldier struggles, trying to lower the pistol to hit me. I push my nails into the skin of his palm, drawing blood as he swings his elbow into my head. Then he stops with a dull wheeze.

The knife pulls free from his side, quivering in Felix’s grasp, and the soldier looks dumbly at me as I release his arm. His feet give out and Soap lowers him to the ground, silent and confused. Felix doesn’t resist as I take the blade off him. The soldier is still trying to rasp words out as I kneel beside him, to gurgle some final curse against us. A quick cut and he’s done. I rub the knife into his fancy red coat before I sheath it again. As I stand, I catch Soap staring at me with shock. I pull the musket from where it’s slung over his shoulder.

“Next time, you shoot.”

I give Felix’s hair a tussle and head off with him close behind. When I don’t hear Soap follow, I turn to see him still standing over the body.

“Anyone could have heard that gun go off. We need to go.”

“He would’ve taken us home, Kez.” His hair has fallen over his face, and he’s shaking like Felix does. I walk back over and take him by the shoulders. I can see the tears clearly now, and in the moment, he looks like a scared little boy. A part of me wants to slap him, but instead I pull him into a hug.

“Maybe he would have. Maybe he would’ve killed and robbed us as soon as he could walk. Maybe he would’ve taken us to his army, and you’d be some soldier and I’d be some camp girl. It doesn’t matter. He was dangerous, so now he’s dead.”

His eyes are still wet, but he isn’t shaking any more. I let him go and wipe my face, before bending down to take the pistol from the soldier’s stiff hand. Soap takes it when I offer and slides it into his coat, before grabbing some powder and spare rounds. We set back off for the woods two guns richer. The sound of marching carries ever louder from over the hills, but by the time they arrive, we’ll be gone.


The Empty Space

Lying in the tossed sheets in the morning 

you realise 

you have woken without something 

you have felt this before 

that empty space 

has been with you as long 

as you can remember 

but now it has taken form

now that presence 

has crushed the pillows 

laid a towel over the chair 

traced itself upon your skin 

you have looked into its eyes 

laughed with it 

shared words into the night 

until need overtook you 

it has pulled on it’s coat 

walked out the door 

and into the familiar 

there is fire now 

to eyes and laughter and words 

never before seen

Watermelons

A poem for my mother.

In our house

(When the need arises)

You cut watermelons

Take the carving knife

Gently

And bring it to bear

On the rough edges that hide our fruit

Inspect the flesh

It is flawed 

no doubt

but without rot

Slice it in even orderly parts

The best for serving

And pick out the seeds if asked

By more picky mouths

When done, put what you find

In a clear plastic tub:

Tuck it in safe and sound

It is quiet, boring work 

And you are not thanked

Often enough 

For cutting watermelons

But there are precious things within

And it is your hands 

That bring them to light

The Bird who liked the Quiet

This is a children’s story I wrote for a quarantine project with Vertigo theatre. Originally it was quite sad, and I’m glad I was given a reason to revisit it and make something hopeful.

Once there was a little bird who lived in a quiet wood. 

And that was just how she liked it.  

She’d built her nest in the highest branches of the tallest tree, because what she wanted most in the world was to be left alone. 

But one morning she heard a woodpecker pecking below her on her tree. 

His rrt-t-t-t-t was the most annoying sound the bird had ever heard. 

So, she dropped twigs from her nest on the woodpecker. 

“What’s the matter?” asked the woodpecker. 

“Go away!” said the bird, “leave me alone!” 

And so, he did. 

A short time later, a squirrel climbed onto the same branch her nest sat upon. 

Her scrit-scrat was the most annoying sound the bird had ever heard. 

So, she shook the branch viciously. 

“Hey!” said the squirrel. 

“Go away!” said the bird, “leave me alone!” 

And so, she did. 

A while later, a bear wandered by and clawed at the bottom of her tree. 

The great vrrrp-vrrrp of his scratching was the most annoying sound she had ever heard. 

So, she pecked lose all the tree’s apples to fall on his head. 

“What’s wrong?” asked the bear. 

“Go away!” said the bird, “leave me alone!” 

And so, he did.  

Eventually, everything was quiet again.  

Very, very quiet. 

Sometimes the bird wished there was another creature to talk to. 

But then she’d remember those annoying sounds, and decide it was better being alone. 

One day, a man came to the tree. 

He was pleased to see there were no creatures around he might bother, and no fruit on the tree he might spoil. 

He did not notice the bird’s nest hidden away on the highest branch. 

He turned on his machine, and went to work. 

The sound that the bird woke to wasn’t annoying. 

It was terrifying.  

Suddenly, her tree was falling around her.  

She tried to hold her nest together, but she became tangled up and stuck.  

When the tree hit the ground, it was quiet again.  

 The man, happy with his work, dragged off the ruined tree, leaving only a small pile of useless branches and twigs. 

For a time, the only sound was the bird’s helpless song as she lay trapped beneath the pieces of her nest. 

Then, there came a rustling sound. 

The branches were lifted away, and the bird felt herself being pulled free. 

When she rubbed her eyes, who did she see? 

Why it was the woodpecker! 

And the squirrel! 

And the bear! 

“We heard a scary noise” said the bear, “and we came to make sure you were alright.” 

“We’re know we weren’t supposed to come back” said the squirrel. 

“We promise we’ll leave you alone again,” said the woodpecker. 

“Oh no” said the bird, “I’m so glad you’re here.” 

Working together, they rebuilt the bird’s nest in a new tree. 

And the bear would claw at the bark with a vrrrp-vrrrp

And the squirrel would climb the branches with a scrit-scrat

And the woodpecker would peck the tree with a rrt-t-t-t-t. 

Once, there was a little bird, who lived in a very noisy wood. 

And that was just how she liked it.  

The room has four walls

The room has four walls 

And a window and a door 

And it always feels empty  

Even when it’s a mess 

The room has four walls  

And a ceiling which by rights 

Should be more novel to stare at 

Or at least I think so 

The room has four walls 

And the wardrobe doors are mirrored all the way down 

For shoes I suppose 

And they’re the most common reason anyone else comes in 

The room has four walls  

And feels empty 

And people say it gets too warm 

But the window is always open 

The room has four walls 

And a boring ceiling  

And a bed from which the ceiling can be viewed 

If the feeling takes me 

The room has four walls  

And shelves of books and clutter 

And sorting the shelves always feel out of character 

Since I got them that way in the first place 

The room has four walls 

And spiders live in the light fixture 

But they’re decent company for the most part 

So they can stay 

The room has four walls 

And is always too hot 

Even though the radiator is never on 

And the window’s always open 

The room has four walls 

And a dusty carpet 

That makes skin go red if you lie on it too long 

While attempting to do sit-ups 

The room has four walls 

And mirrors useful for trying shoes 

And other things useful for very little 

So pay no mind 

The room has four walls  

And a window and a door 

And a ceiling and shelves  

And mirrors and dust 

And a bed and spiders 

And constant heat 

And yet I live there 

Probably out of habit 

Surprisingly this was originally written before quarantine, but it feels very fitting now as I try to get back into writing after the void the last months have been.

Dirge of Troy

If only I had strength to match my eyes

That hold unblinking view upon the shores 

Where in the coming days the waves shall rise

And bring to bear the fruit of distant wars

To cast into the sea these bitter few

Whose whims and wants are wrought in others’ blood

And let the waters do as waters do

As punishment for calling forth the flood

Instead such figures get to keep their breath

And, brushing off these visions of the end

Still sing and drink and laugh at coming death

That I and every human heart portend 

I speak, and hear only the waves reply 

Is every prophet doomed to live as I?

Scheherazade

In some ways I am luckier

It is not every night I must

Distract a glut’nous mind with what

Few dreams I have to spare

I try to picture daily dread

Imprisoned in those perfumed silks

Awaiting night, and knowing I

Must lay my soul to bare

For her a lord whose mercy came 

When pulled forth by a tale untold

Whose hand was stayed by fear that he

Might lose a journey’s end

That overseer for all his cruel

And careless wants, still seems to me

A figure of some sympathy:

I too mourn tales unpenned

My own Shahryar is hardly king

To dwell within my sorry wreck

And his decrees have need of my

Lone thoughts to prey upon

Yet still I feel Scheherazade

Would find some kinship in this room

Where now I sit and scatter script

So I might see the dawn

The Mermaid and the Horizon

‘‘Tell me about the mermaid again, Grandpa.’’

According to her mother, Lucy tells everyone she meets about me. Just like that. She’ll just walk up and say “Hi, my name’s Lucy, and my grandpa’s Theodore Flint.” Everyone in the city knows the name, of course. They know the stories, just as she does. Captain Flint, the kraken slayer. Old Flint, who sailed past the sunset and danced with gods. Theodore Flint, who returns every half a year or so in the dead of night, his coat pulled tight against the storm, and piles the treasures of the world at the people’s feet.

I went through that whole performance last night. Grand entry to the local tavern with a sack of gold in hand, every inch the windswept hero. At first the celebrations make me feel like my old self again, but the thing about fame is, you can’t turn it off when you’ve had enough. Spent the best part of the morning and afternoon today dealing with bumbling local boys who want to sail and swooning girls that don’t know to avoid old men like me. When I finally got away, I had to walk the back alleys and cut through the church courtyard to avoid the crowds and get back to the old house. At first, Annie’s husband wouldn’t even let me in, but Lucy’s nosy. Followed her father to the door and leapt on me as soon as she saw me. There was really no choice for him after that.

Now I’m sat by her bed, the candle light casting my shadow large on the wall. My coat’s hung up to dry by the door, a couple of salt stained boots underneath. The girl wants to believe my time is a gift to her, and leaving them out makes it look like I might disappear on another adventure any moment. Always the showman. Even with her.

‘Now, why do you love that old story so much? Doesn’t your father sing you the song?’ She makes the little thoughtful grimace Annie makes sometimes. I’m sure Annie’s mother must’ve done the same thing, but the memory’s hazy, like it’s a long way underwater.

‘He does. But you know what mermaids are really like. Father doesn’t know anything.’

I frown at her with mock seriousness, leaning back and pushing myself on the rocking chair by my heels, shaking my head.

‘Now that’s not true. Your father knows lots of important things. Like what size of hammer you need when you’re nailing a ship’s deck into place. Or how to fit a horseshoe. Are you saying you find mermaids more interesting than hammers and horseshoes?’

She nods eagerly. I smile at her like we’ve just shared a secret, members of an elite few.

‘Well, if you insist.’ She grins and curls her covers underneath her, propping herself up to face me. In the candle light the sheets merge with her nightgown, and she looks like a mermaid herself, with a tail of cool grey scales. I tell her as much, and she laughs, before urging me to start.

‘All right, all right. So, there’s a young man who lives in a little house by the sea.’

‘Did he live here?’ I raise an eyebrow theatrically and let out a long sigh.

‘That must be a new record time for the first interruption.’ She puts a finger to her lips and nods. ‘Yes, he lived here, at the docks.’

‘And this man, he wants to sail. He can see the sun set in the distance and all he wants is to know where it goes. He’s heard tell that it doesn’t go anywhere, that the world simply shows the sun a different face, and at night it lights distant lands while we sleep. And what he wants, more than anything in the world, is to see those lands, to explore. So he works hard, day in and day out. Eventually he buys himself a ship, little more than a cog, but sturdy and reliable. And he goes sailing.’

‘How does he sail without a crew?’ I put great emphasis on my annoyance, and this time she pulls the cover up to hide her face in her embarrassment.

‘Well, of course he did have a crew. A bunch of the other boys from the docks who wanted to see the world like him.’ Only people rarely mention them in the story. Just another detail, easily skipped. They missed out on being remembered. I push the thought aside.

‘Anyway, they sail many days and nights, and see many strange and wonderful things. They meet men who can make the rain fall with a whisper, or can breathe fire like dragons. They see islands that change shape, islands made entirely of gold, islands set on the backs of great turtles. They run afoul of mad sea-hermits who spend their days alone on little dinghies, practising magic and speaking to the ocean, and catch glimpses of the seven great sea serpents, so large that their stirring creates the waves.’

She looks fearful when I come to the serpents. She’s seen the skull mounted in the tavern, a head as long as her and pits as deep as tankards where its eyes once were. A part of me is reassured by those empty sockets, but sometimes I still catch glimpses in the corner of my eye of the unnatural blue light they held in life, and remember the way the spear shuddered in my hands that night long ago when I killed a myth.

‘And one day, they’re sailing through a familiar route, and a beautiful mermaid swims up to their ship. Her scales are like a gown of emeralds, and her hair is the dark brown of the cocoa beans they grow far to the west.’

‘Like mine?’ she asks sleepily. I nod, so she stays settled.

‘When she speaks, she’s almost musical, for below the sea they sing to one another instead of speaking. She offers them wonderful things. All of life’s comforts, good company, food, and drink, and enough gold to see them through their days. When she’s done, the man considers things for a long time. One by one, the crew all jump in to swim off with the mermaid, but he stays.’

‘And he says no. He thanks her for the offer, says it’s very generous, but he turns it down. “Why?” she asks. “Because it’s not where I belong”, he says. “I know it in my bones. I belong on the horizon, I always will”. And with that, off he sails toward the sunset, knowing he’ll never get there, trying all the same.’

Lucy’s mostly drifted off by the time I finish, so I stand carefully and hold the chair to keep it from creaking. The buckles on my boots give me away though, and her eyes open groggily.

‘I wish there was more about the mermaid in it.’

‘Me too. But I’m afraid I never learned as much about mermaids as I should have.’ The coat’s still wet when I pull it on.

‘Would you have gone with her? If it had been you?’

‘I’m not sure. It’s easy to say how you’ll live. Actually living’s the hard part. Now settle down. Gotta get to sleep soon.’

‘But if I go to bed you’ll be gone after.’ She hears me hesitate. ‘You will. You always are.’

‘Aye,’’ I say quietly, ‘but it can’t be helped. I’ve got some heroics to do, and you’ve got some dreams to dream.’ She looks down at her sheets with defeat, beginning to get upset. I lift her head to look at me and fake a smile.

‘Now what I do know is mermaids don’t cry. They got all cried out long ago. That’s why the ocean’s salty.’ She gives me a weak hug, and when I let her go I pull the covers to her chin.

‘Big dreams, little mermaid, and you can tell me a tale when I come back.’

Annie’s waiting outside Lucy’s door, and she walks me out of the house in silence. I lay a bag of coins in her hand, and tell her I love her. She tells me to leave. As I walk back to the ship, a group of drunks recognise me and tell me they wish they could sail off into the sunset, have adventures and become heroes. They smell like piss and cheap ale and carry themselves like lumbering trolls. After we split off, I can hear them singing most of my way back to the docks.

‘There’s more beauty here than I ever have seen,

But I cannot indulge and get lost in this dream.

The song of my fate shall not go to waste,

My song’s on the horizon and always has been!’

The ship’s empty when I get back. All of the men are out on shore leave, drinking and whoring. Likely only a few will return for a second journey, but there will be plenty of eager young hands for hire. That’s the point of the stories, after all. The roof of the cabin leaks slightly, and it’s spread to a corner of the bed, allowing the cold to wash in. I lay some bedding on the chair by my desk and sit. I smoke for a while, as if the warmth will spread through my bones, but it doesn’t work. Soon, I’m singing the old songs to myself, and eventually, I sleep.

Denouement

it is finally quiet

the form on the floor that is for now

still alive

wonders when its world was last free of noise

at its sides blood is pooling

to meet chalk outlines not yet drawn

and above it the ceiling light is

unyielding

and impossibly bright

moments ago

before the other left

so many things had felt important

but from its place on the floor

wheezing

at the will of a collapsed lung

the form cannot remember why

the photographs will be famous

if the form were to see them it would wish

it had cleaned up a little

Nicholas Bell is Writing

And no one knows how to stop him.

So here it is. I’m going to write. In public. Why not?

For the handful of friends reading this first post, hi. This is what I do in my spare time. For any strangers who happen along down the line, welcome. My name is Nicholas and I write fiction, essays, poetry, or whatever I’m feeling at the time. I started this so I could share what I’m doing, so if people I’ve never met are seeing it I guess I succeeded.

If you don’t like what you read here just forget about this whole thing. If you do, you can follow along. Writing is solitary; I could use the company.